Why Today is Actually Monday

This morning started off really well. I woke up to pleasant morning sounds on the farm. Translation: I woke up to the incredibly loud, unearthly screeching of two baby rooster. If you’ve never heard baby roosters trying to crow, it sounds like someone who just stepped on a pile of Legos with both feet. Yeah. Pretty horrifying sounds.

Thus, I woke up fresh as a daisy and ready to begin my day with energy and enthusiasm! Ha…ha…ha. I wish. I looked like Anna in Frozen and I rolled out of bed more dead than alive. Checking Facebook while still sleeping mentally is not a good wake up plan, because you realize just how idiotic Facebook really is (why is there a dog singing Taylor Swift on my Facebook?)

I somehow managed to get myself out to my car… and then it did the steering wheel lock thing that it does every so often. While wrestling with my steering wheel, I hit my coffee with my elbow. You can picture the resulting explosion of hot coffee and marshmallows. (If it was a YouTube clip, it would just replay instantly again and again so you could glory in the coffee going literally everywhere.) Once the steering wheel was behaving itself again, I started on damage control. Marshmallows must be eaten, even if they’re glued to your jeans and your car seats and the dashboard. Plus, when you don’t have any time to stop or clean wipes, where else do you put half-melted marshmallows???

While I was picking marshmallow glop off my favorite jeans and wiping at the coffee on my windshield, I did some swerving. Multi-tasking is not one of my strong suits. While doing said swerving and cleaning and muttering in irritation, I suddenly heard a distinct THUMP. It’s a good thing my coffee had already spilled, because I jumped and knocked the coffee cup again. I stared out my rearview mirror balefully, wondering if I had another flat tire or if my muffler had gone the way of the asphalt. All I saw was a little ball of fluff, weaving around like a drunk person before flopping over very dramatically. RIP, squirrel. Let this be a lesson to all of you. Don’t eat (marshmallows) and drive, kids. You will injure your car, random squirrels, and your dignity.

After this moment, I was plagued with extreme guilt the whole rest of the ride to college (WHY didn’t I pick him up? Could’ve brought him home and skinned the thing. WHY.) Just kidding. His tail was just so fluffy, his eyes were just so bright. Ok, I didn’t actually see him due to the coffee scum on my windshield, but the mental picture drives me almost to tears. If only they didn’t chew away at my house and wake me up in the mornings… I might actually shed a tear.

I arrived at the college and started the peaceful morning jog to class. There were three lawnmowers and two trailers moving lawn equipment. (Note: if you attend SMC, bring earmuffs.) I was so busy enjoying the morning that I almost didn’t stop at the curve of the sidewalk for two security guys towing a trailer. They noticed me, however, and they stopped. So we both waited for each other to go, and then I started to go at the same time they did. We did this several times until we figured it out, and I let them go first. I heard them laughing uproariously as they drove away. I’m glad I can be so entertaining to people…

If that wasn’t entertainment enough, my biology class was a disaster. We did five seperate experiments today. Thankfully, I have a great group and we get things done 103% faster than everyone else. Problem: we have to wait for everyone else to finish. So I spent 45 minutes staring at the wall. That wasn’t the worst part, however. Oh, no.

Sometimes I think my brain takes a bad day and decides that it can out-do itself today. It gets really excited and I do a lot of really dumb things. To sum things up, I tripped on the edge of a stool and almost dropped a whole beaker of water. Yeah, I almost dropped it. I kinda wish I had, because the water would’ve gone all over the floor instead of all over my front. There I was, completely surprised and stunned, and the whole class of nutrition and sports majors stared back at me, equally surprised. If you don’t know what I mean by nutrition and sports majors, it basically means that I have a class with guys who watch football and work on their muscles 24/7, and one random guy who looks like Zac Efron in the first HSM.

They aren’t really sure what to do with someone who is at least three years older than they are, isn’t blonde, and doesn’t run track or play volleyball. One of them finally got over his shock and handed me some paper towels, but I fled to the bathroom to regain my wounded pride.

While in the bathroom, I checked my phone multiple times. My calender thinks it’s Thursday, but I’m pretty sure this is actually Monday.

I have statistics in twenty minutes, so the day’s just getting better. Here’s to coffee and friends and Mondays  Thursdays that you just have to laugh about.

May your journey be ever onward and don’t forget to eat the hairy marshmallows,

Beth

P.S. Hairy marshmallows aren’t THAT bad.

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